Where I am

List of places I write on the internet, if you can't get enough of stupid puns, weird product recommendations and bizarre pop culture references:

www.hellogiggles.com/author/annie-walton-doyle/ 
www.ravishly.com/contributors/9623 
www.xovain.com/author/annie-walton-doyle
www.blushlondon.co.uk
http://www.theweeklycut.com/author/annie-walton-doyle
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/annie-walton-doyle/ 
https://www.bustle.com/authors/2332-annie-walton-doyle



PS: also, I'm on twitter @annieannieannie and instagram @anniewaltondoyle

hairy eyebrows 2

Hi GUYS! I am not proud of myself in many respects (lazy, annoying, lazy, bad at lists etc.) but I am very proud of my eyebrows. They are a long term project and, let's face it, a great achievement. Anyway, I did something new just literally now and decided it was so life (brow) changing I wanted to shout about it immediately. Ok, listen up. I saw someone doing this and immediately forgot who but remembered it: put mascara primer through your eyebrows! Think about it, it's all about emphasising hairs on your face (probs would work quite well for lackluster moustaches too, but I unfortunately cannot attest). A layer of the ELF one which I bough on Amazon because it has pretty good reviews on makeupalley, works well as a sort of setting brow gel thing. It looks white on the wand but one coat doesn't look white in the eyebrows. BUT, here is the piece de resistance. You can build up a couple of layers for loads of brow volume and then lightly colour over the top with a brow "pomade" or powder or whatever. The primer makes the colour really stick to individual hairs, maintaining that attractive hairy quality that I strive for. (I do like an "instagram brow" in theory, but it looks too "done" on my scruffy face.) I have been using ELF's Lock on Liner and Brow Cream in Medium Brown, and I have to say it's pretty ace: v good cool-toned colour and long lasting. To avoid them looking drawn on, I have stopped using precise angled brushes, and just use something like the ELF smudger brush. For some reason, every single product I want to talk about today is from ELF, but I bought them all myself and everything. I just bought cheap stuff because this was all an experiment, and I do think ELF does good quality for not much $$$£$££$, plus has an extensive range. But you don't need to buy any of these things, just trust me and try putting mascara primer in your eyebrows. I am so happy with this whole thing, I just want to go out and make expressive faces at strangers.
Care-wise: still on the castor oil thing. I haven't got any empirical evidence, but I do think it works. And if you're tempted, I would highly recommend buying an empty mascara tube on eBay or something. Makes application of oil directly above your eyes much more pleasant. While on my ELF spree I repurchased the Treat & Tame, too. This is a good lazy-man's option for encouraging brow growth and sticking them in place, in one handy and transportable package.
(Note: an update on this great post.)

UK prods to be grateful for

Guys, I don't know if you know this about me but I am a fully qualified jet setter and baller extraordinaire, and I recently went to New York City on one of my many adventures. Embarrassingly, one of my toppest things about going to other countries (apart from culture, meeting new people, pretending to be a character in a romantic film etc.) is checkin' out all the sweet makeup and beauty thingz. There is little that brings me more pleasure than aisles upon aisles of STUFF that I don't usually have access to. Weird but true and I don't think I'm completely alone. Anyway, I have grand plans to write about all the best things to try to track down in the US (having been at least twice now I am an expert and I won't be argues with on that). But, in the interest of not falling into a "grass is always greener", whiney and melancholic mentality, I thought I would also mention some cool products that you can only really get in the UK and that we should all collectively be very grateful for.

First: the weird / borings. Cotton rounds are real expensive and real "fally aparty" in America. If you live in the UK you should take advantage of buying yours from Aldi / Lidl. Not so #glam, but they're so cheap and they really are the best. "No fleecing," the packaging complains, and I agree (I think). And here are two mad thoughts I had in America: "I can't wait to get home and tone my hair" / "I can't wait to get home and dye my eyebrows". The silver shampoo I got at the "drugstore" was really crap and my hair was one big brassy tone by the time I left. I'm real happy to be back in the loving arms of my bae Pro-Voke. And while I'm pretty sure eyebrow dyes are a thing in America, the UK one I like (and not just for the name) is called Dyebrow and is cheap and easily accessible everywhere. Dyed eyebrows just look better and that's that.

Now for the slightly more exciting (if you find glitter and lipstick exciting, which I of course do). I'm not really talking specifics here, just brands that make me proud to be British (just kidding, not really at all actually). Bourjois: the BEST liquid lipsticks which are real cheap, good foundations and concealers and probably my favourite eyeshadow ever (which I believe is called "03", so poetic). Barry M: Neon lipsticks for £5, plus pigments and nail varnishes in every colour of the rainbow. And Topshop Makeup, probably low key my favourite cheap brand, which is semi available in America but not nearly as prevalent. Pictured here is Boardroom lipstick, the best dead-girl-brown in existence, and Hematite eyeshadow, a silver pressed glitter pigment thing. Maybe there's a cool way for me to make a point about how UK makeup generally caters to more experimental, fashiony type stuff or something, but I'm STILL jetlagged (1 week in and it's so borin) so I'll leave it there. Rule Brittania or whatever. XXX

on contouring

So guys, have you heard of this new thing called contouring? Don't worry, you fools, I am here to explain it to your tiny and ill informed brains. No; I know I am about two years too late for this, but I recently made my first semi-successful attempt at a full facial contour (ya know I've been all about that thin person head for a while now) and it has made me have some deep and meaningful thoughts.
So firstly, I love it. I was a fool to think otherwise. I look so hot and mean. Loads of makeup makes you look better, if in a maybe-a-bit-boring way. Look at my giant eyes and mouth! Look at my tiny lil button nose! Look at my hollowed cheekbones hiding a diet of mostly bagels and beer! If you want to know how someone who doesn't know anything did this, I have included the two products I used - the original Naked Basics palette and the Kevin Aucoin Sculpting Powder. As someone who you'll be lucky to catch wearing more than three makeups at a time, I'm not buying a contour palette (yet...). And the shades "Faint" (darkish brown), "Naked Two" (mid toned grey-brown) and "Venus" (satiny white hightlight) in combo with my usual "sculpting routine" (rubbing K.O. around the cheek area, sometimes) did a good enough job for me. The general rule is put brown in the areas you want to go away, and white in the areas which you wish existed but don't. If you want to learn how to contour, I would recommend don't try learning it from me, because I don't know anything. I also used a colour from the Lorac Pro Palette (for pros like me lol) called "Mauve" as a lipliner - a weird idea but the eyeshadow actually looked a lot more of a natural overdraw than a liner, IMO. But I couldn't photograph that because I'm in NYC (NBD) and it isn't. Ok.
But: here are my other thoughts - ready? Firstly, this took a bloody age. It's lucky I had a lot of life admin I wanted to avoid because otherwise there is no way I would have to patience for this. And some people do it every day! More power to them. Secondly, I think if I got too used to looking at myself like this I would get sad about how I looked without it - just normal sized eyes and such. Borin. It's pretty cool that you can really use makeup to make yourself look like a completely different person, but with great power comes great responsibility. All faces are good faces. Some are just hotter and meaner than others.

"eye" hate concealer

For me, the point of makeup is either to look extremely obvious or to trick everybody into thinking there's none. And thus, for me, I can't seem to get on board with under-eye concealer. It always looks "done" just to the wrong degree - trying too hard, and not in a fun or subversive way. On others, I can sort of get on board with the yellow baked triangles look. Kim Kardashian obviously look very nice. But KK is cool by mistake, whereas I have had to try very very hard for every ounce of cool I have (not many ounces). Also, I have never found an under-eye concealer that looks any better than just letting my dark shadows fly free. 
Nonetheless, tiredness (while sometimes a testament to your cool busy lifestyle and many fun times) isn't necessarily a great look. So here are my top helpers for when I don't want to look quite so debilitated and ancient, yet want to retain my cool-girl, not-really-trying, I'm-honestly-alright-now please-stop-asking aesthetic. 
1) The Soap and Glory Make Yourself Youthful (make yourself really self conscious about seemingly imitating a speech impediment) is an eye cream with a light-reflecty, iridescent finish. I'm a real sucker for the  skincare-in-makeup sell, because what is more appealing than something which works for a bit now and cumulatively builds up more work for the future? This seems to be quite moisturising and such, and which doesn't offer any coverage it does sort of brighten and tighten up in a very subtle way.
2) The Rohto Cool Max Eye Drops which make your eyes feel cold in a way they possibly should not naturally (I have read things about these actually making eyes redder in the future, but YOLO, live for today, etc). They make the white parts of your eyes more bright like when Mr. Burns is the alien on the Simpsons - some of my most formative beauty inspiration.
3)  The Nyx Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk - put this in your waterline and let's just say no more about it, ok?
4) Curl your eyelashes, and if you are as irresponsible with money as I am, do it with the Shu Uemura Eyelash Curlers. They are honestly different from cheap ones - they make your eyes look perkier and more awake, and make your eyelashes look a lot longer because of angles and maths etc. 
But of course, also feel free to allow your tiredness to show forth like a badge of honour, and when people tell you you look tired just use it as a fun litmus test for who to never ever speak to again. 

2015 MVPs

 It's that time of year where I panic and realise how time is unstoppable and I'm a year closer to my inevitable death. So let's talk about beauty products. A bunch of really good guys that I have enjoyed wholeheartedly, while trying not to think about my inevitable death.
 I have relied heavily on the Aussie 3 Minute Miracle since my blonde-ing of early November. The "Shine" fellow is actually not as good as the Reconstructor, which I will buy consistently when this one runs out. I use it every wash and I truly believe it's to thank for that fact I still have a lot of average-to-pretty-good-condition hair.
 For the face skin: a trifecta of amazingness which seems to have, for the most part, sorted out my stroppy, overgrown-adolescent, overly sensitive and incredibly annoying ... personality. Sorry, face. My face. My personality has not improved this year, but at least my skin has!! The Garnier Micellar Water is my #1 cleanser and I don't even want to explore further. This works, and washing my face too much does not. Also this is cheap and easy to find. 
 A major discovery this year has been that my chin loves benzoyl peroxide like I love Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds circa season 5 (a LOT). I was using the Clean and Clear Persa Gel, which I was enjoying, but for some reason it wasn't seeming to quite do the job for me mid year. So I ordered the ludicrously big bottle from acne.org and I have to say, I prefer it. It's a thinner texture so it doesn't require as much rubbing, and the lower % BP stops things getting so dry. If you're at the end of your tether, this is worth a shot.
 I raved midyear about the Makeup Artist's Choice Mandelic Acid Peel, and we are still very much involved. I dip a cotton bud in this and swipe it all over my face about once a week and wash off after some minutes. I really think it's improved the tone, softness and clogged-factor of my skin. I bought the bottle in February and it's still more than half full, too, so amazing value for money.
 One for the weirds out there is the Demeter perfume in Thunderstorm. All I can say is, I like to smell like wet concrete, and this fulfills that desire for me. I absolutely love it.
 For lips, I have been either painting them a very bright colour with the Bourjois Rouge Edition Velvets, or applying lots of vanilla scented gloss. The Bourjois are seriously amazing - lip paints that dry matte but don't flake off or fade really weirdly. They have lots of really good bright and neutral-ish colours, too. Two glosses that I have relied on for attempting to look less like a caveman have been the Clarins and the Catrice Lip Perfectors. The Clarins are a bit better, but the Catrice are a lot cheaper, so take from that what you will.
 Eyebrows have been hairified courtesy of the L'oreal Brow Artist Plumper, the best thing I've ever found to fake "naturally" bushy eyebrows. I've also really enjoyed the Maybelline Full'n'Soft Waterproff, which is stupidly only available in America, but gives nice natural-ish, fluffy and curled eyelashes. The Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler has had another strong year of being terrifying but making me look about 45% more awake. 
 Lastly, two things that have been giving me the shiny face that dreams (about shiny faces) are made of. The Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector in Pearl is my only one and only. I use it every day and a lot of it. It's a subtle enough illuminator to convince people you're just naturally very pretty and radiant, and this deception is my M.O. Something I don't mention much but use always is the Nyx Jumbo Eye Pencil in Cottage Cheese. The name actually makes me want to be sick, so in my mind I call it "shiny white", which is what it is. This is great for putting in the waterline to perk up tired and grumpy eyes. I also like it in the inner-eye-corner and on my cupids bow moustache area. In a pinch, this can also be dabbed onto cheekbones with fingers as a highlighter. 
 So, a year of shiny faces, bushy eyebrows, curly eyelashes and exceptionally damaged hair. If you have the same taste in those things as I do, I can recommend these products from the bottom of my heart or whatever. HNY all. XXXX

cute christmas snow angel frozen cute look for all girls very CUTE

L-R finger swatches: MAC Lazy Sunday, MUA Shade 22, Topshop Holograph, Topshop Hematite. Wrist with both Topshop Hematite and Holograph.

Now I have blonde hair and look truly and properly angelic (as all my fans keep telling me), I have started to really enjoy products which play off my new celestial vibe. Things which are cool-toned and cute, but also somewhat glittery and ethereal. And before some pedant comes along, no, I'm obviously not talking about the angels from all of those "religion" thingys, who seem to be mostly either blokes or fat babies, and come to signal the end of the world with a trumpet or something (I have an A* at Religious Studies A-Level, so don't try to tell me I'm an ignoramus). Put your death trumpets and fat baby costumes away, this is about a nice snow-queeny, flightly frostbitten but essentially angelic Christmas look.

I'll start with the real star of the show and newest inductee to the Annie Hall of Fame (makeup bag) - MAC Casual Colour in Lazy Sunday. In the pan this looks like a normal, cool toned pink cream blush, but it's so much* (*a bit) more than that. It comes off an almost white based baby pink, which is dewy and pale enough to be a dual highlight & blush. For a long time I was against pink blush as I felt it gives a real flustered mum on school run / Yarn Tethers look. (PS - if you understand the Yarn Tethers reference we must immediately become friends.) But this is pale, so you don't look at all flushed, just cutely pink. I also put this on my lips to pale them out a bit without looking concealer-y, just a very slight bit frostbitten and dead. Very slight. 

Next, a £1 product which is well worth it if you're not sure the whole dead/angel look is for you - a MUA eyeshadow in shade 22 Pearl. This is a frosted pink with subtle iridescent blue reflex. I like to use this not as an eyeshadow but as a highlight/blush: just a small dab along the cheekbone tops - not applied anywhere near as liberally as Lazy Sunday. Perfect for non-subtle winter highlighting, because it's not like you'll be in direct sunlight for more than fifteen seconds throughout the day anyway.

Now, Topshop eyeshadows have long been documented as some of my favourites for really unusual finishes and shades. These two (Holograph and Hematite) are absolutely perfect winter colours, because, when applied together, they make your eyelids look like an artistic depiction of a snowstorm. For a more "subtle" look (not that subtle because it still involves blue eyeshadow and glitter) I like to gentle press both into my inner-eye-corners with my finger, which deposits less stark colour and more just glittery shine. And if that doesn't make you feel festive, I don't know what will.

blonde expectations

I have had blonde hair for about two weeks now, which I believe officially makes me an expert. These two weeks have been a pretty steep learning curve, if you call "altering your hair routine" "learning", which I, of course, do. So here are some valuable life (*hair) lessons and observations. Also, I want an excuse to ramble on about my hair, because people in my actual life are getting fed up of me.
First - having blonde hair is ace. It makes whatever boring, pyjama-esque clothes you're wearing look about 80% better. It's like an accessory in itself! Also, it has reinvigorated my lipstick wearing habits (priorities). Instead of being trapped in a nude world, I've been really enjoying "statement lips" again. FUN! Having light and interesting-coloured hair makes getting dressed and doing makeup so much easier. The commitment of blonde upkeep thus balances out, and I am pleased.
Secondly, the battle against yellow is ongoing and difficult. I don't want white or grey hair, but what I do want is a pale and very very cool toned blonde, which is apparently a struggle to achieve. I was asked by my boyfriend the other day, "what would you do if you woke up and your whole hair was one brassy tone?" which I supposed shows how much my hair talk has infiltrated his brain. I've experimented with tons of toners and purple shampoos and dyes and I'm enjoying it as a mini-project. 
Also, you'll be amazed to hear, bleached hair is very dry and damaged! I bet you've never heard that before! My previous hair was somewhat tangly, but otherwise full of health and vitality. Now I have the equivalent of lots of straw attached to my head. In some ways, I actually prefer my new hair, not least because it actually has volume and holds a style and needs washing so much less. Nonetheless, I have to treat it with a lot more kindness than ever before. Some total saviours are my Aussie Three Minute Miracle, which I use every time I wash and sometimes mix with purple shampoo as a brightening mask, my OGX oil mists (keratin, argan and kukui are all good) and my Denman Small Grooming Brush. I was using the Aussie Leave in Conditioner and I must warn you - I think it is total trash. The second ingredient is alcohol (after water) and all it seemed to do was dry out and tangle my hair. Get the OGX oils instead.
So, overall. If you are thinking about bleaching you hair, I think you should just do it. Everyone told me I shouldn't do it myself and I did and I'm happy with it. Stick it to the man! Know that you'll be at least a bit yellow for a while, stock up on deep conditioner and the Provoke Touch of Silver. Don't brush it while it's wet. And enjoy a new world of rarely having to wash your hair, of actually enjoying your lipstick collection again and of dressing like a total bum and still looking kind of cool.

extremely cheap, extremely good hair products

Of all of the superficial things you can spend your money on, hair stuff must surely be the most boring (except maybe body care - I think I speak for all of us when I say "who cares?"). But having good hair is a (very, very far off) aspiration of mine. Inspired mostly by Sali Hughes' 50 products under £20 I think I have discovered some otherwise hidden hair gems (weird mental image).
Firstly, all my blonde bitches, just buy the Provoke Touch of Silver Brightening Shampoo. I'm pretty sure everybody knows about this, so I won't ramble on for too long. This turns warm blonde into cool blonde, and can even be used as a mild lilac dye (both on purpose or by accident). Cheap, smells good, easy to find, the end.
Ok, onto some more surprising bits. Mousse has a bit of a bad, crispy reputation, but the Boots Extra Firm Hold one seems to defy them. It's a mousse, sure, but it's a good one. Used in wet hair it stops your hair drying slippy and useless. This is probably also top for people who do fancy "up-dos" or such things I don't have the skill set for.
A bit of a strange one, the Boots Essentials Curl Creme is an exceptionally satisfying pale pink paste which looks like it belongs to your grandmother (and it very well might). I don't even have curly hair and I love this. It makes hair more malleable and kind of separated. It also adds hold without feeling like product in your hair, so whatever you do to it will look better for longer. For "science" purposes, I also used this in my boyfriend's long and curly hair, and it did seem to dry nicer, (although he was all, "why does my hair feel so ... firm??" - sigh, boys). Sounds (and looks, and is) weird, works really well. Try it if you, like me, want cool-girl hair with absolutely zero effort or money.

how to do makeup when you really weren't expecting to have to.

Far too often in my life, I end up somewhere surrounded by people I actually want to impress, during a situation where I wouldn't mind looking somewhat nice, without any of the tools to make that pipe dream come true. And in case you're thinking that means I live a very exciting and fast paced life, what I really mean is quite often I have to go out into the world and be sociable when I don't have any of my makeup with me - usually because it's on a different floor of my house. My house has three floors, so it is a genuine annoyance to forget something in my bedroom (#humblebrag, but not really because I live with my parents). Anyway, my point is, when you're as lazy as me, sometimes not moving wins out over applying the correct makeup. Luckily (and probably for this very reason), I carry a permanent pouch with me, and recently I've been ingeniously finagling a full makeup routine out of its meagre contents. Here is how.  

Of course, this is based off of stuff which I carried around knowing I liked, so it isn't really that impressive. But at least it works as a proof that I am correct in my pouch choices - take that, haters! And non-haters, these products can be edited and switched to your hearts content. My point is, you can do a reasonable job of makeup using things you have lying around, not for their intended use. Behold.

First: brush your hair, you look like Father Christmas. I like this Denman brush more the more I use it - it smooths out tangles without giving that unattractive "recently-electrocuted" vibe. Next, use your emergency concealer on any emergency zones. I've actually really been liking this Maybelline Super Stay one I got in America, but sod's law, you can't get it in England. The Collection Lasting Perfection one is pretty similar though, I reckon. I then highlight with the RMS Living Luminizer - a very expensive and very tiny shiny balm. I hesitate to reccommend this because it does seem like a stupid thing - except I use it pretty much every time I do makeup and it seems, to me, undupeable. The tiny pot has lasted me about two years and is more than half full, too. However, if you are a bit more sensible that me, a greasy, glowy face cream works really nicely as a natural highlighter - the Weleda Skin Food is ace for this, and it also feeds your hungry face which is nice. Spray over your finished "base" with some sort of facial mist - the ELF one is fine, but I am and always have been an advocate for normal rosewater, dispensed into a spray bottle.

Now to accessorise your face. The Sleek Candy Tint Balm in Marshmallow walks the fine line between natural lips and pink lips. After applying this, I dabbed a touch onto my cheeks, too, as a matching blush. I put some of the Skin Food on my eyelids to act as the most natural iridescent shadow ever, which making my eyelids look very moist and smooth - sounds disgusting, looks maybe ok? Finally, something I was perhaps overly proud of, I dipped the spoolie I always carry (pinched from Lush - don't tell) into some more Skin Food and combed it through my eyebrows. Voila - clear brown gel and a clever avoidance of the Count Olaf look. Easy makeup, made easy - and made even easier by the fact I could do it all while still sat on my arse watching MTV's Are You The One? I am, indeed, proud of myself.

blonde-ing for novices and idiots

Just what the internet needs, right? Another "going-blonde" tutorial? But I thought I'd add my own unique voice to the mix anyway, because I seriously did not know anything about this before I started. So from one idiot to another (I assume only idiots would care what I have to say about hair dyeing), here is my story so far. 

So just for context: here is where we started. As you can see, the epitome of "brown."  Pretty much all of my hair was "virgin" and very long and thick. Eagle-eyed starers will notice some subtle highlights about my face. These were not actually highlights, but mistaken bleaching via my benzoyl peroxide acne treatment (#glam). Even more #glam was that I sometimes ran over these with eyebrow dye to try to bring them back to the darker side. Never ever mistake me for somebody who takes great care of their appearance. 
The first stage of my blondeing process began in a similarly stupid and half-arsed way. I bought some hydrogen peroxide off the internet and sprayed it into my hair after washing but before blow drying. This lightened my hair to a dark and warm blonde, bordering on ginger. It also made my hair prone to enormous tangles and fuzzing up like a cheap wig. After a couple of months of maybe twice weekly bleach-spraying, I realised this wasn't really cutting the mustard. Still unsure of what I actually wanted my hair to look like, but sure that I'd come this far and might as well keep messing about with it, I decided to move on to next level bleaching.
Instead of buying intimidating bleach and developer and powder or whatever, I went for peroxide box dye. Schwarzkopf Live Color XXL Absolute Platinum to be exact (at the time of dyeing, these were on a 2 for £7.50 deal which was pretty much the only thing that swayed me towards them). Two boxes of this on my head later, I was left with this:

Basically bright yellow all over. This is it dry, but when I actually washed it off it looked a lot more multitonal - through the whole dark-brown-orange-yellow-blonde spectrum. The parts where the bleach has taken worst were where there had been some leftover eyebrow dye in my hair. Annoyingly, these were the most noticeable parts, being right next to my face. I missed taking a photo of that stage because I was too busy panicking. I realised that maybe everything anyone had told me about home-bleaching (mostly: "don't do that") might have been correct. But in for a penny, in for a pound, I marched back to Superdrug and got another two boxes of the dye. 
Because my hair was in good condition beforehand, I felt confident I could double bleach it without severe, hair-falling-out-in-clumps consequences. Note that this confidence was based on absolutely no facts or evidence. I do understand that a lot of people would prefer to go to a salon for this type of thing - I'm the first to admit that this wasn't a well-thought-through plan. But if the choice was to spend over £100, or to not go blonde, I probably wouldn't have bothered at all, and I did really want to give it a go. I have a pretty strong DIY ethos towards most things, and this was more an experiment than an important life decision. Also, instead of spending hours and hours with a stranger (my worst nightmare) I got to spend some quality time with my boyfriend (round 1) and my sister (round 2). Shout-out to Mark and Caitlin for hanging out with me in a room which smelt like a bin (because of the dye, duh) whilst I repeatedly asked "Have you got all the bits in the back??" Also massive shout-out to my main blonde bitch Lilly, who counselled me through the entire process by text, and was full of wise advice like "Yeah then scorch the fucker."

After bleach number two, I mixed a bunch of the cult favourite Provoke in with the free Schwarzkopf hair mask and put it all on my head for an hour or so, giving me a cute purple-foam-haired look (left). The results after washing out but pre-drying can be seen on the right. Not entirely yellowless, but certainly on the blonde side of yellow (and not the dreaded bright orange side).

Not bad considering how much of an imbecile I was about the whole thing, right? Excuse the open drawer full of sports bras in the background. Since the dyeing of last weekend, I have done one further purple shampoo. This turned the palest bits silvery-purple, but left the yellowest bits largely unaffected. The aim is to get hair that is all the same tone (preferably on the cool side) but different shades within that tone (as in, all the same amount of coolness, but some darker and some lighter so it isn't too flat). This is what I'm left with at the moment.

It's the blasted eyebrow-dyed fringe bits which are the only real fly in the ointment. I have purchased another cult classic, the Wella White Lady toner from Amazon (plus developer). If google image searches are anything to go by (and they always are), this should help with the warm bits and with unifying the tone overall. This hasn't arrived yet though, so in the purpose of full disclosure I feel I must tell you that I'm currently sat here with purple shampoo applied only to the yellow bits in my fringe with an old toothbrush. Things certainly haven't got any more professional around here.

pouch updates

If you're a long term fan of me, you'll probably remember my seminal work, my pouch - coincidentally, almost exactly a year ago. Well a lot has changed in a year, and that predominantly refers to said pouch's contents. Here are some new additions which are important enough to be with me wherever I go.

The main change in the last year has taken place atop my scalp. I have gone from brown-and-Jesus-like, through the tiny fringe phase and into a more difficult time of my life: growing out a fringe whilst going blonde. The various clips are necessary at all times to centre-part my tufty bits into place and try to forget about them.I also have a Denman brush (the D81S to be precise) because I cannot justify a Mason Pearson purchase. People on the internet have described this as "90% as good" and for 15% of the price, that seems to work out - maths. This is good for doing an overall brush over to smooth down any mad fuzz, and also works well at removing starter-dreadlocks without pulling out too many hairs. Hairs are now a prized commodity in these dry and damaged parts.

I have recently developed a penchant for cool-toned-yet-somewhat-natural lips. These are good winter alternatives to glosses - shiny and adding a hint of pinky-lilac, making you look a bit too cold in a cute way. They are also good when your lips are peeling off from sitting staring into a fan heater all day (October - yay!) because they make lips look soft and smooth. These two (the L'oreal Rouge Caresse in Tempting Lilac and the Maybelline Baby Lips in Sugar Cookie) have to added advantage of smelling like cake.

A further development over the past year seems to be that I have started looking more tired all the time. I don't like wearing undereye concealer because I think it always looks extremely obvious and unnatural - nonetheless, I do quite like looking bright eyed, and not just because of the band. The Rohto Cooling Eye Drops are great for making the whites of your eyes white again, and also give you a blast of cold which peps you up. I get them from eBay because I don't think they're available in the UK, and buying eyedrops off eBay seems in equal parts dangerous and thrilling to me (born to be wild, I know). Another gimmick I've been trying is the Garnier Roll On. Does it actually do anything? The jury is still out. Do I inexplicably enjoy rolling a metal ball around my eye socket? Guilty as charged. I believe this does something involving caffeine to wake up your eye skin. I have always said there is nothing more unattractive than asleep eye skin. Finally, I have taken to carrying around an eye cream with me, because I am a sociopath. I like the Kiehls Avocado one because it's extremely greasy, so even with makeup on I like to put this on my eyelids and tear ducts as a sort of extremely natural highlighter. However, it is a bit pricey so I would recommend the Weleda Skin Food for the same thing. As the proverb goes: when it's cold outside, apply more grease, and please God get that fringe out of your eyes.

shine your face so the sun doesn't have to

I'm a massive proponent of glowy, borderline shiny skin. I know I recently posted about the most unsubtle of shine's many forms (glitter), but if that's too silly for your sophisticated lives, there is another way. I may sound like a broken record (I'm never sure what I've actually put down in words and what I have just thought about writing down) but everyone can and should have shine on their face. Old, boring people have matte, flat, dry skin. Young, energetic people who are full of vitality and always rushing from adventure to adventure inevitably have a bit of shine about them. And the best part is, even though I am actually boring and lazy, my skin-shine tricks people into thinking otherwise!

I currently have undeniably "bad hair". But I'm not talking about that now, and thus neither should you.

Worlds worst #bblogger displays a trifecta of nail ugliness - chipped, bitten and glitter painted.

If you use a product that is borderline subtle, it helps with this trickery. Instead of looking like "highlighter on fleek" (*throws up*) it just looks like really healthy, moist (*throws up again*) reflective sheen. I have three such products because I am a lunatic. They are displayed in blocks on my wrist, from top to bottom: the L'oreal Lumi Magique Primer, Lush Feeling Younger, and the Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector in Pearl. They are all pretty similar (look like white creams until they're rubbed into glowiness), although the L'oreal is more primer-ish (read: silicone feeling), and the Lush is more shimmery and more gold. The Becca is the best (and has "skincare benefits" and SPF 25!) and also the most ridiculously priced - isn't that always the way?? 

If you're a shiny faced beginner, tapping on facial high points (inner-eyes and cupid's bow, cheekbones and brow bones - see my crescent moon of reflected light above) is a step in the right direction. But if, like me, you're in the exclusive category of the shiny faced expert, all of these are just about subtle enough to put pretty much all over your face - how exciting! Go forth and blind your enemies! And if anyone tells you you're looking too shiny, remember that that's a compliment and they just don't know it yet.

on glitter

Overall, I do think the best makeup is "no makeup makeup". But sometimes "lots of makeup makeup" is the only option. Sometimes I can no longer keep up the pretense of being sophisticated (HA). Sometimes overstated triumphs over understated. And all of those times are fine times to douse oneself in iridescent particles and let your head become a mobile disco ball. The most important thing about wearing makeup is to have fun, and in my eyes there is nothing more fun than glitter.
What lots of plebs don't know is that glitter can be done somewhat subtly (as well as the also charming assault-on-the-eyeballs look). Glitter can be for life, not just for Christmas.

Maybelline Baby Lips Crystal in Pink Quartz, Wet n Wild Mega Brilliant Lip Gloss in Crushed Grapes, Topshop Glitter in Periwinkle, Barry M Fine Glitter Dazzle Dust in 7, Ebay glitters, Bourjois Intense Eyeshadow in 03, Topshop Chameleons in Shuffle the Cards and Wax & Wane.

Here are the prods that work best, ranging from fine shimmery sparkle to sizeable holographic chunks. On the eyes, the best "wearable" glitter I've found (although all glitter is "wearable", you just have to wear it) is the Bourjois eyeshadow. It's a great peachy nude colour which is similar to the colour of my eyelids, except packed with tiny silver glitters. When applied liberally it actually looks like you've got glossy, wet eyelids like a fresh-faced cherub. One step up on the sparkly scale are these ace Topshop eyeshadows (called "chameleons" for no discernible reason). When applied wet they look almost foiled, but can also be used lightly as a more unusual highlight on the inner corners etc. The reason these are so good is because they are glitters running through quite normal, nudey eyeshadow colours. Shuffle the Cards is a peach-nude with lots of gold and pink sparkle, while Wax & Wane is a darker taupe with purple and blues. There was a tan and lime green one which I didn't buy at the time and now can't find, which is probably a regret I shall take to my grave. These are surprisingly easy to wear, particularly over a brownish eyeshadow base to do a boring old brown smokey eye but better.

Now onto glitters for experts. The Barry M Glitter Dazzle Dusts should come in about 50 more colours, but still, this pink and silver one is a good time. I like it on the eyelids for a pink-eye-but-glittery look. I also, in a moment of weakness bought 15 pots of multi-coloured glitters on ebay. I now have every colour I could possibly need, but my favourites are the white and the silver holographic. Applied with a wet brush on eyelids and cheekbones they can make you look like an ethereal cult leader. And the Topshop loose glitter in Periwinkle is perhaps the most ridiculous of all the glitters. The iridescent pieces in every shade of white are huge and certainly eye-catching, but perhaps not one for your everyday makeup bag.

 Of course, you can always just smear something glittery on your lips and call it a day. I like these Maybelline and Wet n Wild options because they are garish, articifically scented and, most importantly, cheap. As the photo captures (or more accurately, doesn't), these are actually surprisingly subtle, and good in a fix to smear anywhere on your face where you want more shine (eyelids, cupids bow, cheekbones, you get it).

The one and only downside to glitter is the aftermath. Expect yourself to find bits in inconceivable places for the rest of your life. Instead of being annoyed by it, embrace it. There's something charming and ethereal about leaving a spangly trail behind wherever you go, no?

lady writers #2

I like reading, I like ladies, I like cool-lookingness. Here are the second wave of inspiring, talented women who make cool aesthetic choices and write books I like to read. 

Margaret Atwood exudes not-giving-a-fuck in a way I wish I did. She's prolific and everything she has written, I have thought is bomb. I love her sci-fi-ish, dystopian world view with a focus on the female experience of it. Also she just looks so fab and androgynous and just the right amount of unkempt.
Read: The Handmaid's Tale (duh), but also Oryx and Crake, The Year of the Flood, Cat's Eye, The Edible Woman.
Wear: Unbrushed hair, hats, oversized collars, no makeup.

Ithell Colquhoun is a mythical lady who barely exists on the internet. She is another surrealist and, though mostly known for painting, also wrote a weird and wonderful novel called Goose of Hermogenes. I love female surrealists because I think the female experience (not that there is any universal female experience but you know) is intrinsically a bit bizarre and creepy. She was a very cool and deep-thinking, interesting lady with lots of great ideas.
Read: Goose of Hermogenes.
Wear: Big, patterned sack dresses, headscarfs, walking sticks.

Charlotte Roche is such a great girl. Loads of people have asked her to stop writing because all the things she says about what being a girl is really like is ruining people's ideas about girls. She talks about weird, smelly, disgusting things and will never apologise for it. But once you get past the initial shock, she's actually writing very sad and meaningful stories about really unusual and fascinating characters. 
Read: Wetlands, Wrecked.
Wear: Polonecks, fringes, hairy armpits, facial piercings.

Jean Rhys writes very sad stories about insurmountable problems, yet the stories are strangely compelling and readable. But yes, very very sad, so watch out for that. She is a very poetic writer and does really good imagery - she never writes in poetic cliche, either. 
Read: Wide Sargasso Sea, Good Morning Midnight.
Wear: Collars, cool hats, hoop earrings, sad eyes.

upgradin'

I'm pretty sure this is going to be a bit of a mess, because I basically have a few things I want to talk about which I've tried to group under the umbrella term of "upgrading" beauty products. How it all came about was I smashed (accidentally, not in a rage) my "contour powder" aka eyeshadow which I discussed here. I was sad but then immediately happy because it meant I had the excuse I needed to buy the Kevyn Aucoin Scultping Powder I'd been thinking about for several years like a complete creep.

As you can see - I was right. The two are bloody similar. However, the Kevyn Aucoin (swatched left) is nicer, goes on smoother, is less apt to look like a beard, so if you really love nice things, get that one. But I totally recommend the other one, too (W7 eyeshadow in "burnt sienna" for the fake fans). Is this a dupe? Am I a real blogger?
Anyway, this got me on to thinking of other things I have "upgraded" on recently - in both other cases to something slightly more expensive, but the price difference is nowhere near as alarming as with the contour. Oh, and, unrelated, but Sali Hughes did a great piece for The Pool about why contouring is creepy, so I have some more thoughts on contouring (so deep) which I'll write about at some point.

I may one have said I liked the Rimmel brow gel - I was wrong. The L'oreal one is a billion times better. It's really fibrous and holdy, and I like mad, brushed up eyebrows, so it just serves my purposes more satifactorily. Also, it's more expensive but twice the size so that's good too. And the brush is smaller and less easy to make a mess with. Overall, it is superior in every way. Sorry Rimmel, we're over.

 Beach Blonde is BACK! Who's excited?? (Nobody, apart from me, I'm sure.) This is the BEST SALT SPRAY and it smells like coconut, so I'm saying goodbye to Toni and Guy (lol) and getting married to John Frieda. I will use this forever unless (heaven forbid) they ... discontinue it ... again *wails*. If you have £6 to spend on a salt spray, it's not up to me to tell you what to do, just heavily imply it (cough*beachblonde*cough).

eyebrowspiration

I'm forever hoping to one day have to unibrow of my dreams. I know everyone disagrees but I think they're pretty and cool! Here are thee ladies who are keeping me on the castor-oil bandwagon. PS I'm not doing very well at pretending to know anything about pop culture here, because all of these women are dead.

 Audrey Hepburn is cool anyway because of being such a all round top girl (see here). Let the record state that there is more to being inspirational than having massive eyebrows (but it helps). What is so great about Hepburn is that everyone in the whole world agrees that she is extremely beautiful and she never apologised for her eyebrowsiness. In fact she made them look even bigger, and therefore better. Everything about her face is all perfect and exquisite and girly, which contrasts with huge, flicky, angley brows. 

Frida Kahlo is another all round cool chick. She seems like an unstoppable force of nature, the perfect balance of vulnerability and NGAF. Everytime I think about reaching for the tweezers, I think two things. The first on is "cba", and the second is "WWFD". Firstly she would be an artistic genius and prolific, hardworking, funny, inspiring lady, but also she would grow her eyebrows as large and in charge as she could. In the hopes of emulating some of her other qualities, I do the same. 

Even before I very much cared about makeup, I was cackhandedly attempting to copy Edie Sedgwick on the reg. She was a very talented and kind person, and again a deeply unapologetic woman, but I don't really feel good about being too romantic about mental illness or drug addiction. Again she does the whole "I am undeniably beautiful but LOOK I tricked you I have insane eyebrows" thing which is my favourite. If you're going to wear lots of makeup, I think hairy brows are a necessary counterpart, to show you aren't trying to be too "pretty". One day I hope to see the whole world populated with such beautiful, overgrown, bordering-on-mono brows.