the clumpoes

If there's one thing that will instantly sell me on a pair of shoes, it's clumpiness. Firstly, as someone who falls over a fair amount, I think it's beneficial to have something heavy on the end of each leg to anchor them to the ground. Secondly, although I am already what would commonly be called a 'tall girl', an extra few inches makes all the difference. My clumpiest pair take me to about six foot three, and make me feel POWERFUL. Another reason for this power, is the innate knowledge in my head that I could, if it came to it, deliver a very painful kick in the balls. I know I'm always banging on about Murakami, but I really love his ball-kicking analogy in 1Q84. "The number of people who could deliver a kick to the balls with Aomame’s mastery must have been few indeed. She had studied kick patterns with great diligence and never missed her daily practice. In kicking the balls, the most important thing was never to hesitate. One had to deliver a lightning attack to the adversary’s weakest point and do so mercilessly and with the utmost ferocity—just as when Hitler easily brought down France by striking at the weak point of the Maginot Line. One must not hesitate. A moment of indecision could be fatal." Not that I often (or indeed, have ever) delivered such a kick, but it's nice to be secure in the knowledge that you could. Here is a tour of my favourite clumpoes.

These are from a charity shop in south London and they cost £10!! These are relatively flat and I think they are actually made for a man.

My next pair of clumpoes I got in the summer, and are from New Look (which is not very cool, but I am afraid it is the truth). These were the shoes that introduced me to the fact that a clumpy heel doesn't come at the sacrifice of comfort. I wore these on my 21st birthday and managed to keep them on through ten pints of prosecco and an enthusiastic dance of the charleston. They did break once but I managed to fix them using superglue and a blunt knife.

Now onto the clumpoes that you can still purchase for your very own! (if you want to copy me, which I can totally understand / respect.) These are from H&M and I completely bought them by accident. I went in with Alex to buy him some jeans, he left me unsupervised for five minutes and look what happened. Anyway, I regret nothing because 1) they are very comfy and 2) when I wore these, two sassy south London girls pointed at me and said "look at her shoes" to each other. Job done. Available here.

Finally, the clumpoes of my actual dreams. I know these were an "unnecessary" purchase, but they can be justified. Firstly, they are all black with no metal on them anywhere so they go with everything. Secondly, these actually are my ideal pair of shoes - part school-girl and part construction worker, with a touch of "cool-fashion-girl". They are also very comfy, which is either a running theme for all clumpoes, or a running theme for me. They are from Topshop and are available here.

Clumpoes forever!!!!