Friday, 12 December 2014

how i learned to stop worrying and love pleather

For many years, wearing "leather" trousers was something I supported others doing, but never expected to be brave enough to become involved in myself. Then I realised that I am definitely going to die one day, and it might even be today, and anyway, what is so brave about covering your (most likely hairy ... or maybe that's just me) legs in what is essentially plastic bags? It doesn't take bravery, all it takes is for you to be easily convinced in H&M one time (or in my case, twice). Enter, my pleather pants:
H&M Joggers Available Here are genuinely the best purchase I have made since the summer and I bought a £1 ticket that allowed me to go to ALL of the pop music concerts. They cost £25 and yes, I have them in two colours, ok. They really appeal to my inner Kanye West, and the best part about them is if you tuck in the cord and wear a top that covers the elastic, they look like tapered leg real trousers and actually have a really nice fit on the leg; the mid-point between baggy and fitted. You can fool everyone into thinking you might be kind of uncomfortable while remaining completely comfortable! I particularly love the combination of these with a textured knitted jumper, particularly in from the beige colour family (holla), also with a HBIC white shirt. I will issue three brief warning on these pants. 1: On the first wear, they will be so unbreathable that your legs feel like two basted turkeys covered in sweat-gravy. After a wash, the breathability increases (although not to levels of a normal trouser). 2: Sometimes during brisk movement (reaching for something on the bottom shelf in a shop is the classic), all of the air will rush out of the trouser leg, creating a fart-like noise. This incidence, too, has rapidly decreased since washing the trousers. 3: Wearing these trousers while sitting on pleather furniture is noisy. I learned the hard way and was basically unable to move at the cinema for the whole of Interstellar (a very long film). Nonetheless, I am so happy to own these trousers and I think we will have a long and loving relationship. If you remain unconvinced, I think Lilly says is best (or just most insanely):
The obvious progression for me fulfilling my dream of wearing sheets of plastic all over my body was a full pleather dress:
This one is by The Whitepepper and I got it on ebay. I totally dig what my uncle terms the "art teacher smock", and this one really does tick all of the boxed because it has pockets. I honestly cannot understand why all dresses don't come with pockets, unless I'm making them myself, because pockets are really hard. Although this dress does have a similar breathability issue, sometimes it's nice to be trapped in a sauna of your own making, particularly in South London in December. There are no fart-noise problems / funny japes, or squeaking against the seat embarrassments. When I wore this dress Lilly called me "a Spice Girl" and "a female pimp". When I wore the trouser she said I "was dressed like Prince". All great compliments (they are definitely compliments).

The next stage in my pleather journey is finally working out how to wear my pleather cap. I actually like it, but so far everybody in my life disagrees. (My mum said "this isn't what you do!" and Alex actually used to word "hate" - rude.) Sorry for this weird photo, the selfie-situation in my current studio (bedroom) isn't up to par - just kidding, S&D, thanks for letting me stay here!!!

 Is it just me, or is there a sort of religious-figure element to the above photo? The arms above the head, the haunting eyes, the backwards baseball cap...
If you need anymore convincing of the wonders of pleather-life, here is a GIF of my queen, Adore Delano, doing a dance move that I truly respect:
 My Hero.

Wednesday, 10 December 2014


Simple Soothing Eye Balm was a very standard eye cream. I'm sure for the price it's good, but I'm not convinced on the whole eye-cream thing. I'm sure if you're moisturising around your eyes, you don't need this.
Nature's Aid Triple Strength Rose Water is lovely. I like the fact it's a one ingredient, natural product, which is v soothing, moisturising etc. It's also nice to spray over makeup to give you a "glow" (shine).
Ren Glycolactic Radiance Renewal Mask is both good and overrated. It does do something, but I'm not sure it does enough to warrant how expensive it is.
Soap and Glory Hand Food is a very nice hand cream, as you can tell by the fact I cut the tube open to finish it.
Tesco Organic Coconut Oil is very much a coconut oil. I wouldn't buy this over any other, but nor would I choose a different one over this. It is much of a muchness to me.
Superdrug Volumising Dry Shampoo is SO GOOD. I don't really use this as a dry shampoo, more as a textursing spray. It adds so much grit and volume and is so cheap, I'm just going to buy this one forever now.
Toni and Guy Sea Salt Texturising Spray is a good salt spray, I really have no more to say.
Ren Micro Polish Cleanser is good, but I'm not convinced that scrubs do good things for skin. So I won't purchase the full size.
Just thought I would put on record than this Cuticura Hand Sanitizer is my favourite. It smells nice like cucumber.
This Aquaphor tube was the gift that would not stop giving. I inherited this when my housemate moved back to America and it was nearly empty then. This was great for healing up a skinned knee suffered from a bad fall during a high kick competition. 

Boring reviews, but I am finishing things! I don't know if this purging process is pro or anti consumerism. I am trying to lead a more simple and streamlined life, but I'm doing so by consuming a bunch of products. See, there is a more ideological question to this than initially meets the eye #thinkaboutit.

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

brown lipstick love

Lilly was right, I was wrong. Brown lipstick is amazing and makes you look like a boss. In the past few month I have accumulated a comprehensive collection, for every look and every pricepoint (unless you are rich, in which case, no).

Bourjois Rouge Edition Velvet in Nudeist is a great beginners brown, mostly because it is primarily pink. It stays on for ages and ages without drying out the lips and sort of draws attention to your lips without adding any colourfulness. Hot top: mixing this with more full on browns makes a nice pinky-brown which is more longlasting.
Maybelline Superstay 14hr in Beige for Good is a nice nude-ish brown, which again pulls focus to the lips without being a "bold lip" which can sometimes look a bit try-hard. This has a bit of a funny texture and goes from slippy to very very dry quite quickly so topping up is a bit of a bummer. However if you apply and let it dry without faffing with it, it will last v well.
ELF Essentials Lipstick in Fantasy is a very basic, browny pinky, slippy and non-drying formula lipstick. Because of this it isn't the most long lasting, but because it's cheap you can just carry it with you and shove some more on.
Laval Lipstick in Mink has a great brown with a hint of purple colour. Although it looks similar, it is actually more cool-toned than the ELF lipstick. This is the cheapest of the bunch and for the price is amazing, but smells like melted plastic.
Stargazer Matte Lipstick in 208 is a really great dark chocolatey brown. It is matte and very longlasting without being drying. It has a sort of waxy texture which sounds unpleasant but I promise it isn't. I really love this to get the look of a "dark lip" but again without introducing any colour to an outfit.
But it is in Topshop Lipstick in Boardroom that I have found my best brown. It is very cool toned and purpley, and makes you look like a badass corpse. It is long-lasting, non-drying and everything I have ever wanted in my brown lipstick quest. 
Here they all are "swatched" in the same order, because I am very professional and a good blogger. However, because it is winter in England, it gets dark at about ten to three, so the lighting isn't the best, and for that I can only apologise.

Monday, 1 December 2014

four albums i like

I'm not a person who is good with music. When anybody asks me what I like my blood runs cold, because the true answer to that question is thus: either whiney white-boy folk music, or female rap. With that in mind, here are four things I have been listening to a lot recently and liking.
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. I knew I would like this and I do. The singer has the nasally quivery voice that I am especially partial to, the lyrics are cool and imaginative, and it sounds good in my ears.
Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band - Outer South. This is the sound of a bunch of great mates having a good time (for proof, see documentary One Of My Kind). There are a few songs on this that I am not keen on, but I absolutely love Air Mattress (see above) and Ten Women. And Roosevelt Room. Basically anything Conor Oberst touches turns into something I will probably enjoy. 
Azealia Banks - Broke With Expensive Taste. I am so happy this has arrived in my life. I think it so weird and cool and creative. Also, the track listed above (Miss Camaraderie) I feel like I had heard before in a dream or something. When I heard it it made me feel weird in a good way, and it is still my ultimate favourite. I really don't like Nude Beach-a-go-go, though, and I feel the need for that fact to be recorded on the internet.

Nicki Minaj - Beam Me Up Scotty Mixtape. Although there are some dodgy parts of this mixtape, this is the Nicki Minaj I fell in love with. How can you dislike lyrics like "I keep three hoes, But don't call me Santa / And I am flyer then Reindeer in the Winta"? Brilliant, silly, funny, well done. Also I want to include the video for Pills n Potions, because I think it is one of the most aesthetically pleasing things I have ever seen:
Love ya Nicki.