UK prods to be grateful for

Guys, I don't know if you know this about me but I am a fully qualified jet setter and baller extraordinaire, and I recently went to New York City on one of my many adventures. Embarrassingly, one of my toppest things about going to other countries (apart from culture, meeting new people, pretending to be a character in a romantic film etc.) is checkin' out all the sweet makeup and beauty thingz. There is little that brings me more pleasure than aisles upon aisles of STUFF that I don't usually have access to. Weird but true and I don't think I'm completely alone. Anyway, I have grand plans to write about all the best things to try to track down in the US (having been at least twice now I am an expert and I won't be argues with on that). But, in the interest of not falling into a "grass is always greener", whiney and melancholic mentality, I thought I would also mention some cool products that you can only really get in the UK and that we should all collectively be very grateful for.

First: the weird / borings. Cotton rounds are real expensive and real "fally aparty" in America. If you live in the UK you should take advantage of buying yours from Aldi / Lidl. Not so #glam, but they're so cheap and they really are the best. "No fleecing," the packaging complains, and I agree (I think). And here are two mad thoughts I had in America: "I can't wait to get home and tone my hair" / "I can't wait to get home and dye my eyebrows". The silver shampoo I got at the "drugstore" was really crap and my hair was one big brassy tone by the time I left. I'm real happy to be back in the loving arms of my bae Pro-Voke. And while I'm pretty sure eyebrow dyes are a thing in America, the UK one I like (and not just for the name) is called Dyebrow and is cheap and easily accessible everywhere. Dyed eyebrows just look better and that's that.

Now for the slightly more exciting (if you find glitter and lipstick exciting, which I of course do). I'm not really talking specifics here, just brands that make me proud to be British (just kidding, not really at all actually). Bourjois: the BEST liquid lipsticks which are real cheap, good foundations and concealers and probably my favourite eyeshadow ever (which I believe is called "03", so poetic). Barry M: Neon lipsticks for £5, plus pigments and nail varnishes in every colour of the rainbow. And Topshop Makeup, probably low key my favourite cheap brand, which is semi available in America but not nearly as prevalent. Pictured here is Boardroom lipstick, the best dead-girl-brown in existence, and Hematite eyeshadow, a silver pressed glitter pigment thing. Maybe there's a cool way for me to make a point about how UK makeup generally caters to more experimental, fashiony type stuff or something, but I'm STILL jetlagged (1 week in and it's so borin) so I'll leave it there. Rule Brittania or whatever. XXX

on contouring

So guys, have you heard of this new thing called contouring? Don't worry, you fools, I am here to explain it to your tiny and ill informed brains. No; I know I am about two years too late for this, but I recently made my first semi-successful attempt at a full facial contour (ya know I've been all about that thin person head for a while now) and it has made me have some deep and meaningful thoughts.
So firstly, I love it. I was a fool to think otherwise. I look so hot and mean. Loads of makeup makes you look better, if in a maybe-a-bit-boring way. Look at my giant eyes and mouth! Look at my tiny lil button nose! Look at my hollowed cheekbones hiding a diet of mostly bagels and beer! If you want to know how someone who doesn't know anything did this, I have included the two products I used - the original Naked Basics palette and the Kevin Aucoin Sculpting Powder. As someone who you'll be lucky to catch wearing more than three makeups at a time, I'm not buying a contour palette (yet...). And the shades "Faint" (darkish brown), "Naked Two" (mid toned grey-brown) and "Venus" (satiny white hightlight) in combo with my usual "sculpting routine" (rubbing K.O. around the cheek area, sometimes) did a good enough job for me. The general rule is put brown in the areas you want to go away, and white in the areas which you wish existed but don't. If you want to learn how to contour, I would recommend don't try learning it from me, because I don't know anything. I also used a colour from the Lorac Pro Palette (for pros like me lol) called "Mauve" as a lipliner - a weird idea but the eyeshadow actually looked a lot more of a natural overdraw than a liner, IMO. But I couldn't photograph that because I'm in NYC (NBD) and it isn't. Ok.
But: here are my other thoughts - ready? Firstly, this took a bloody age. It's lucky I had a lot of life admin I wanted to avoid because otherwise there is no way I would have to patience for this. And some people do it every day! More power to them. Secondly, I think if I got too used to looking at myself like this I would get sad about how I looked without it - just normal sized eyes and such. Borin. It's pretty cool that you can really use makeup to make yourself look like a completely different person, but with great power comes great responsibility. All faces are good faces. Some are just hotter and meaner than others.