why doesn't everything come in spray bottles?

 Spray bottles are the goddamn business. Always, always keep them when you finish a product which is #blessed enough to come in one. They are my holy grail of beauty-liquid packaging, and they should be much more prevalent, for a multitude of reasons. Vive la Spray!
 The first product which should be sprayed and only sprayed is body oils. Why should I have to bend over and reach places when a spray could do it for me? Dumb. Luckily I have a multitude of old spray bottles because I'm a dirty dirty hoarder, so I decant my body oil of choice (at the moment avocado, because I have it and I want to use it up) and spray in all over my bod. Voila - glowy, moisturised skin without having to do any annoying rubbing.
 Obviously, obviously all hair products should come in spray form. Who can be arsed to even attempt to disperse product evenly using hands alone - it's impossible and it makes you feel like a fool for even trying. Also, it's a good litmus test for products: if it's too thick to get through a spray mechanism, it's going to weigh my hair down and I don't want to be involved. Oils, textursing things, leave-in-conditioner and serums alike MUST be MISTed.
 I'm out of the toner game, but on the occasion I do a liquid exfoliate with the Bravura London Purifying Calendula Toner. Why oh why doesn't it come in spray form? Spraying toners onto cotton pads puts a little amount across the whole pad surface instead of completely soaking one corner, which is a much more economical way to rub it evenly over your face. And if you're fearless and immune to eye pain, you can spray things directly onto your face, skipping the need for a cotton pad and therefore saving the planet. Good job, you.
 Finally, setting sprays, which do, obviously, come in spray form. But if, like me, you're looking for a dewy-finish setting spray, there is no better way to go than rosewater. It gives your face an immediate, verging-on-shiny glow. It's also pretty great for your skin and smells like roses (duh). I buy mine from Amazon and decant into an old sprayer. Its the best, cheapest, best-for-you facial spray I've ever used, and trust me, I've used some overpriced ones.
 So, big companies who definitely read my blog: why doesn't everything which can be sprayed come in a spray bottle? Good for being lazy, saving money, saving product, saving the planet and saving your hair from being too flat - I rest my case. 

some cool girls with cool makeup

Just a place for me to put a bunch of photos of ladies I think are badass, wearing makeup I think looks badass.

I have been hopelessly devoted to this photo of Rihanna for several months. The lipstick! The eyelashes! The plaits! The lipstick! I'm obsessed, and my brown lipstick enthusiasm has been fueled. Is Rihanna a good person? - I honestly have no idea. I know next to nothing about her, but I'm obsessed with her style. She always dresses all crazy and DGAF and I love that. Also, I read a Buzzfeed article about her meet and greets and based on that she seems like a top laugh.

My first, my last, my everything. No matter how many people she calls a bitch on Twitter, I just can't quit Azealia Banks. I still dream about one day owning the Yung Rapunxel lipstick. I love this photo because of the red lip / purple hair contrast and the big infectious smile. Flawless.

We all know that young (and, indeed, current) Nigella Lawson is a total dream, right? I can't get over the teenage-witch vibes of her wild hair and OTT eyeliner. She's reminding me of those spooky photos of the Manson girls in court but much much sexier. A cool girl who grew into a pretty cool lady.

 My fringe-spiration: Grimes. I find her a very cool and inspirational girl, too, because she is so independent and self-motivated and just worked really hard by herself for a long time. I also am v into her mix of natural and artificial vibes, she gives good contrasts which is my MO. Look at her lil baby face compared to her grumpy scowl. Look at that lipstick! I'm in.

when things are really good

I'll just preface this post by saying I don't have anything particularly subversive or clever to say here. I don't have a link to a wider social point, or any sort of interesting overriding theme. I just have a few things which I think are really fantastic and I wanted to talk about them, ok? Usual service will resume soon.

 This Josie Maran Coconut Watercolor Eyeshadow (also mentioned here) is just a cool little thing. It paints on a longlasting metallic colour which looks so cool.I have the shade called "Rio de Rose Gold" which is a perfect warm, neutrally colour. Luckily I wasn't too fond of the shade range so I wasn't tempted to buy them all, but this one seems to walk the fine line between very extravagant and somewhat subtle. I love this with v little other makeup to suggest you have made an effort, but it was a small one because you're a bit too cool.

Don't look at the mad eyebrows, look at the SKIN!!

 I'm actually amazed by this Wet n Wild Coverall Cream Foundation. I paid $2.33 for it and it outperforms every other "drugstore" base product I've tried. Glowy and covering, but most importantly, when buffed in it is completely undetectable, thus tricking everyone into thinking it isn't there.

 I bought the Lorac Pro Palette and I'm bloody glad I did. Unfortunately the only picture I've taken while using it was the most plain eye look ever (Lt. Bronze all over and Champagne to highlight), but the QUALITY is what is so pleasing about this palette. The shades are all buttery soft and really pigmented, AND I like all of the colours! If you are a very streamlined person this would be a great one eyeshadow palette to have. If you like good quality eyeshadow this is a great palette to have. This is a great palette to have.

Mad eyebrows AGAIN!

 After lots of fannying around in the world of liquid exfoliants, I decided to bring out the big guns and got the Make Up Artists Choice 25% Mandelic Acid Peel. I've only ever read rave reviews about this and I can see why. It has made my skin so much brighter, more even, softer, nicer. I put it all over with a Q-Tip every ten days and then wash it off after 3 minutes. I've never had any flaking or anything (but my skin is pretty hardy when it comes to acid) and I just feel confident that this is working. See: my makeupless and unedited face (taken with flash because I'm not that brave). Apart from extremely sensitive, I think pretty much any skin type could benefit from this - and you all know that using acids means you have to use sunscreen, ok? Definitely a great product: I'm very happy to have it.

waterline brighteners for suspicious eyes

I am a sufferer of some of the most naturally red eyes I know. I think it a combination of wearing contact lenses and crying all the time (kidding, kind of). Unlike all the other "problems" with my appearance, however, a red eye is really easily "fixed" with makeup. You can literally draw over the red and make it a different colour.

Taking photos of myself makes me aware how weird my face is - I'm discovering I have a lazy eye and a really weird overbite. But my waterlines look cute, right??

 Even if you don't have red there, putting a light, pastelly colour inside your eyes makes them look about 65% bigger and 78% brighter, which is a good look. It tricks people that your eyes don't end where they actually end, but extend to the top of your eyelashes. Any pale colour will work and give slightly different effects.

 The Nyx Jumbo Eye Pencils are really good for this purpose. The two I have are slightly iridescent which brings even more light to your peepers. Cottage Cheese (a gross name, right?) is sparkly white and Lavender is sparkly lilac, which counteracts the warm, red tones by being a cool colour - and a "cool" colour, too. These last pretty well and come in all manner of shades. In a pinch, they also work well as a cream highlighter on the tear duct, brow bone, cupid's bow etc. Not bad for $5.
 I also have the famous Rimmel Scandaleyes Kohl Kajal in Nude. This is very well loved, but it has recently got somewhat of the shaft because I err more on the side of pale and pastel nowadays. You can see that by comparison, this shade of "nude" is actually pretty dark, so it doesn't give my eyes the lightness I want. It lasts well and is a good product otherwise, so I think this is probably a good one for those less deathly pale than myself.
 The one I'm proud to have discovered is the Korres Eyeliner Pencil in Green-White. I found it through a series of investigative Google searches (starting with "mint green eyeliner" and ending with "Nars barrow street dupe".) My extremely limited knowledge of makeup led me to believe that using the opposite colour works to counteract the colour - and the opposite of red is green. Therefore, a pastel green colour doesn't appear greeny, just pale and not-at-all-red! See for yourself, it is what I'm wearing in the pictures. Other bonuses include it;s long-lastingness and the face it doesn't contain any poisonous eye chemicals. 
 This "trick" is one of those mythical 30 second fixers which makes you look healthier, prettier AND more engaged with life. I wear it on lots of makeup days and "no makeup" days alike. Who doesn't want bigger, brighter eyes? That's a rhetorical question because the answer is no one.

thoughts on some oils

There's a part of me which really wants to be a crusty hippie, never wash my hair and only use beauty products with ingredients I can pronounce. It seems like a sensible and healthy way to be. The problem is, I love the chemicals! Benzoyl peroxide is my knight in shining armour, my hair only feels clean after a pile of frothy sulfates have stripped it bare and I love wearing probably poisonous lipsticks. As anyone knows, the key to a healthy and happy existence is balance, so my attempts to make casual nods to a more natural existence come in the form of oils.

Both bought from amazon.co.uk

 I tried jojoba on my face but I just couldn't bear the sensation of it - like my face was actually melting away. I'm also not totally convinced by the evangelical cries of "it cannot clog your pores" ringing throughout the internet. I think it probably did clog my pores. I used the rest of it up as body moisturiser and much preferred it. Apparently because it is a similar makeup to the natural oil skin produces it is easily absorbed into the skin, and I am inclined to agree. In some ways, it's nice to be using something so pure and natural. But in other, more prominent ways, I think I like body moisturisers to smell good and come in handy packaging. One to try, but I don't feel committed for life.
 I have such mixed feelings about neem oil. On one hand, it is probably one of the most effective acne treatments I have tried, aside from serious and strong chemicals. During my use of this my skin was generally pretty good. It also seemed to moisturise and even reduced my forehead wrinkle a bit. On the other hand, it stinks. It smells like petrol, peanuts and onions and it's as rancid as it sounds. Many people commented on the fact my face smelled like a butt. The worst part is, the smell kind of stays in your skin even after you remove the oil, and it can creep into your nose when you least expect it. It also sort of tasted bad in your mouth whilst this was on your face. I'm giving up on this because I am no longer brave enough. But if you're at your wits end and want to try something cheap and natural, it's probably worth a look. But don't say I didn't warn you. 

And now for the slightly less "pure" side of oils. This Kukui Oil by ogx is mixed with some silicones and other ingredients I don't recognise. But it's amazing. Firstly, it comes in a spray, so it's really lightweight and doesn't have detrimental effects on hair volume. It smells pleasant but doesn't interfere with any other smells you're putting on (perfume, for example). But the real reason I'm so impressed with this is it has made my hair grow a TON. Before I came to America (3 months ago) my hair was at mid-boob length (everyone measures the length of their hair based on their boobs, right?). Now it is quickly approaching belly-button length. I'm growing it for no reason other than to have a small project. I want to see if I can get it to the belly button, but I do actually prefer my hair around the top-of-boob area. Still, if you want your hair to grow, I'm pretty sure this is the most miraculous thing I've found.
 A bit of natural with a bit of artificial colour and fragrance, but with no horrendous smell or greasy side effects. This hair oil summarises my feelings on the subject of going all natural: it's all about the balance.

just-been-kissing lips

In some ways a pinky-reddy lip goes against all of my beauty ideals, in that it is conventionally "pretty" and appealing. However, a focus on the "just-been-kissing" look results in a cooler way to wear pinky-red, Disney princess lips. A jbk smudge firstly implies that you have been kissing, which is fun and cool. But it also implies that you don't really care enough to fix your lipstick, and that you probably just want to go on kissing people. 

Adore Delano is such a jbk icon.

Slightly subtler in Rimmel Kate Moss 110.

First, you need to choose your weapon. The look (a pared down version of Adore Delano's) can be achieved with a balm, a lipstick or a gloss-stain, so it's versatile and requires absolutely no skill. I focus all the product in the center of my mouth, and then rub it outwards. You could call this "kissing" your fingertip, however that is too depressing to contemplate and I'm not calling it that. I think this might be what people call an "ombre" lip? The idea is to start strong in the middle and fade outwards to nothing. It's advised (by me) to go very very slightly over the edge of your lips to maximise the jbk vibes.

Top to bottom: Maybelline Pink Quartz, Rimmel Kate Moss 110, L'oreal Endless Red.

 The entry level jbk lip is any sort of pink/red tinted lipbalm, which makes your lips look like you've been kissing a lot and have swollenish, soreish lips that you've lipbalmed over. I have an inexplicable affection for the Maybelline Baby Lips. The "Pink Quartz" one gets extra points for smelling like sweets and being packed with glitter. 
 Your favourite red lipstick can easily become a jbk lip. The Rimmel Kate Moss 110 is matte and therefore pretty long-lasting, particularly when smudged and pressed in. It's a great red-pink-coral.
 The ultimate in jbk lips come in the form of the L'oreal Wet Shine Stain in "Endless Red". It's an extremely pigmented gel which looks shiny and plump, and stains the lips underneath for bloody ages - I put some on my arm and it lasted several days. It can be carefully applied to give a really cool, precise, glossy and long-lasting red lip, but applied with a finger it is smudgy, jbk perfection.

I just wanted to put this picture at the end because it's one of my favourites ever. Imagine if this was how you got your just-been-kissing look ... sigh.

not playing by the rules

Sometimes I buy things and don't end up liking how they work, sometimes they get usurped by superior prods, sometimes in a pinch I discover multi uses for an old fave, and sometimes I buy something with rebellious intentions in mind. Here are a bunch of things I like to use in ways not intended.
 First is the Wet n Wild Color Icon Bronzer in "Reserve your Cabana". This is certainly not the traditional colour of a bronzer, and I originally thought it would make a nice highlight. However, extensive swatching in direct sunlight (being obsessive about makeup is sometimes weirdly stressful) showed that there was no actual shimmery particles in this prod. So I've started using it as a sort of all over setting / glow-boosting hybrid and it's bloody lovely. Probably similar to those Hourglass Ambient Lighting ones, but $5. These types of things are hard to describe, but it gives an almost imperceptible blurring effect, and makes your face look lit from within. It's also SPF 15 which is pretty cool. If you have a highlighter which you're finding too subtle in targeted areas, and you are a fan of a glowing (shiny) complexion, might I suggest dusting it lightly all over.
 I have a lot of love for Cymex Lip Protectors, as they are the best functional lipbalm I've tried (in a tube, cheap, works, makes lips look glossy and pink). Whilst on a plane recently (I'm a jetsetter, it's not a big deal) I tried this on my cuticles and it did a great moisturising jobby. I don't think a separate cuticle oil is necessary when you have any old lipbalm, and this one works particularly nicely.
 I've recently had a skincare revelation: I don't think my skin particularly likes salicylic acid. It seems to irritate without any noticeable "activity" reducing benefits. I have a whole bunch of salicylic acid prods to get through now, and I've been using this Bravura London Detoxifying Eucalyptus Toner on my arms and feet. The skin there is much hardier to potential iritation, and the effects of this are much much better than with manual exfoliation. It's a cool feeling to not have something go to waste. This one was mid-range, but if you've got some skin texture issues on your bod, salicylic acid is so easy to buy cheaply - any drugstore acne range will have something.
 I still have a soft spot for the Lacura Gentle Face Wash Gel. It's from Aldi, which is not exactly a cool place to shop for skincare, but it's cheap (under £2) and as far as my limited knowledge goes, the ingredients are fine. This has been surpassed by the CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser, but I've been using the Lacura fellow to clean my makeup brushes and it really does the job. If you think about it (and trust me, I have - so deep) you shouldn't really wash your brushes with things you don't want on your face, because your brushes touch your face a lot. I would buy this again for brush cleaning purposes - and if, like me, you have an embarrassing collection of cleansers and a fussy face, this is a good way to use them up.
 Don't play by the rules. Don't follow the instructions. Be your own person, man! And never, ever throw anything away.

a nude illusion

Yes, I'm wearing clothes, it's a NUDE ILLUSION ok

Feat. a rogue lock of hair.

 In honour of episode one of the new series of RuPaul's Drag Race: my favourite products to create a naked looking face. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your genuinely naked face, and me telling someone else to bother to wear makeup is like a lazy pot calling a lazy kettle lazy. I can count the amount of days in the week I wear makeup on a couple of fingers. But for days when you want to look like you're wearing no makeup but just look a bit better, I have some recommendations. For me, and I know it's all subjective, "better" equates to glowier, browier, bigger-eyed and pinker-lipped.
  First is a new love who I am hot and heavy for, the Jouer Luminizing Moisture Tint in Pearl. Sometimes I feel like cheap things are just the same, but then I get something like this which just feels expensive. It gives minimal coverage, more of a blurring than a concealing effect, and has tiny tiny bits of shimmer which diffuses lights over your chops and makes your face glow like the moon. It's love! I know it's early days but I'm not afraid to say it, ours is the love that dares speak its name. To add extra shine I put the RMS Living Luminizer on my inner eye corner and browbone. This is a long term and committed relationship. In spite of generally being a makeup floozy, if I'm putting on makeup, I'll put on this. It's bloody expensive for such a tiny and seemingly useless little pot, but it's one of a kind. It gives a wet look shine with almost undetectable shimmer, and it lasts for ever on your face. I've used it every day for a year (?) and there is no end in sight. You feel like you don't need this until you have it, and then it's game over.
 Hairy eyebrows are still my jam, and add structure to a seemingly-naked face. I put through a really cheap brown mascara, I'm sure the cheapest brown mascara you can find will work fine for a makeshift tinted brow gel. If it's cheap, chances are it won't be particularly amazing in terms of volume or length, so if you play your cards right it should just add a touch of colour and hold. I focused the majority of the product in the front section of my eyebrows, because I think a bushy front section (stop it) looks kind of youthful and relaxed. I curled my eyelashes which makes my eyes look about 46% bigger and put a touch of mascara on my top lashes, more to colour them in than anything else.
 To add a subtle bit of sculpting to a face that errs on the side of enormous I used the Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush in Exposed. It chisels the cheekbones without actually being a contour - mysterious but interesting. Finally I smudged some of the Nivea Lip Butter in Raspberry Rose on my mouth. I really do want to try to By Terry Baume de Rose, and the worst part is I know one day I'll lose my mind and actually buy it, but for now this is doing the trick. It's pretty moisturising, smells good and imparts a milky-pinky look.
 Now tuck your penis between your legs, whack on a lace front wig and werk!!!! (I'm talking about Drag Race again, duh.)

making a case for brown nail varnish

With a whole world of "pretty" colours to choose from, it does seem a bizarre idea to paint your nails what is probably regarded as the least appealing colour of all. (It is, after all, the colour of poo.) But to go along with my well documented brown lipstick obsession, I've recently been all about a murkier look on my fingertips. Brown nail varnish says "I have done my nails, but don't think I've spent lots of time thinking about my nails, because I've been thinking about very important things." I think brown makeup strikes a perfect balance between between scruffy and polished, combining elements of grunginess (after all, it is also the colour of dirt) and business (because it is the colour of leather, wood, etc.) Ok, enough about things which are brown, onto some nail colours.

 The Lilac-y Browns on my thumb and pointer are the most obviously appealing (and, probably not coincidentally,least brown) browns - a gateway-brown, if you will.These two look really nice, apply smoothly, last well and are generally great.
 The Dark Browns on my ring and little finger are also surprisingly aesthetically pleasing. I think they are a cooler take on the Chanel-Rogue-Noir type of look. The e.l.f. fellow is slightly warmer, while the Rimmel is almost a black-brown. Like black's slightly cooler but less successful little sister.
 Then there is the truly Ugly Brown on my middle finger (perhaps no coincidence, as it is somewhat of a middle finger to the concept of pretty nail varnish). It's a slightly greeny-mustardy bile-ish brown. But sometimes I love these really ugly colours, particularly when paired with something really conventionally "pretty" in contrast, like shiny pinky lipstick or a really girly dress or something. It is a challenging colour, but I've been wearing nail varnish for about 15 years, and I'm ready for a challenge. I have always wanted to be an overachiever. People probably told James Joyce Ulysses was stupid, just like they'll tell you you're nails look ugly. Don't worry, they just don't understand.

wear pink lipstick like a cool chick

Wearing pink lipstick can be a one way ticket to looking basic, which is pretty much my biggest fear. Pink mouths are a fundamentally girly look, as any cartoon will tell you: boy + eyelashes + pink lip = girl. Therefore, putting one on can suggest that you are trying to look more pretty, which is not the point of make-up at all! One way to determine that you are trying to look more interesting rather than more attractive (my modus operandi) is to pick a jarring, extreme type of pink colour.

Top to bottom: Maybelline Pink Pop, Wet 'n' Wild Pinkerbell, Bourjois Pink Pong.

My top three pinks are all extreme in different ways. Pink Pop is really the ultimate Nicki Minaj bubblegummy pink, cool in tone and erring on the pastel side. Pinkerbell is much warmer, hot corally-pink. Pink Pong is a darker, purplier take on hot pink, but still extremely fluorescent. (It is an extremely pleasing coincidence that all of these names start with "pink".)

Pink Punch - more like just been punched and completely dazed am I right?

 Lisa Eldrige said that a really "modern" way to wear a bright pink lipstick is to not wear too much other makeup. I approve because 1) Lisa said so, and 2) lazy. So some sort of light base and not very much mascara will be good for you. I like the Body Shop Tea Tree BB Cream because I feel it helps keep chacne at bay, and I used a pound shop mascara because crap mascara gives natural, subtle lashes. 

Pinkerbell and an aggressive gurn.

 To prove that you aren't trying to look girly and pretty, it's important to emphasise a not-coventially-feminine feature. I chose werewolf eyebrows, and combed them upwards with the Rimmel tinted brow gel. I also think wearing a really utilitarian, boring outfit pairs well with a bright pink lip. All black, or other dark neutrals (grey, navy, etc.), and nothing too floucy or loud. Let your mouth do the talking (literally and figuratively).

Pink Pong and gurn 2: the remix

 I got my fringe out of my face using a plastic tortoiseshell hairband from the supermarket. I think fringes have a tendency to make you look like a little girl (not least because when I was a little girl I had this very haircut), so when paired with a bright pink lip, that needed to go. I like the new-girl-in-the-office-in-the-80s vibes it gives, because the seriousness contrasts nicely with an essentially stupid lipstick.
 Wearing bright pink lipstick is really fun, and one of the things which make me glad not to be a boy (ignoring the pay gap, catcalling, etc.). (Not that I think boys can't wear lipstick, in fact I'm all for it.) But to wear it in a cool way, it is important to focus on contrasting it with the rest of your "look". So, because pink lipstick suggests heavy makeup, wear light makeup instead. Because pink lipstick suggests girliness, emphasize an unfeminine feature. And because pink lipstick is lighthearted and silly, wear serious clothes and hair. Wear pink lipstick like you've never heard of pink lipstick before, and with a total lack of regard for the conventions and connotations of it. If you wear pink lipstick like the kind of girl who hates pink and hates lipstick, you will definitely look great.

cool looking lady writers

I'm sure all of y'all are aware of that famous Joan Didion for Celine pic which was probably the most universally loved thing the internet has ever seen. I am firmly on the bandwagon and also think it was the business.

An OBB (Original Bad Bitch)

Huge sunglasses, huge necklace, boring black sweater, coral lip, I am seriously about this. But it got me thinking about more, less "mainstream" pics of some of my favourite female writers who have aesthetic vibes which I dig.

Joan was ALWAYS a cool chick, even before the Celine stamp of approval. Girl knows how to work an oversized sack dress in a way I seriously admire. I'm also all into the bare faced, simple haired look. 

Another strong look of Joan's (we're on first name terms) is the oversized plain coloured jumper. On the left she pairs it expertly with a simple necklace and more ubiquitous big black shades, and on the right I think I can spy some 90s-revival white trainers. A trendsetter of the highest order. And her writing is obviously really cool, unusual, sad, clever and all around inspiring.
Read: Play it as it Lays, Slouching Toward Bethlehem, The Year of Magical Thinking.
Wear: No makeup, shapeless dresses and jumpers, big sunglasses, simple hair.

Another of my favourite lady writers is the surrealist Leonora Carrington. From youth to old ladiness she had an ethereal, other-worldy beauty. Pile up your hair on top of your head, put on some sort of cape, define some inquisitive eyebrows and light up a cigarette (pls don't do the last one based on my advice).

Leonora Carrington is seriously so cool. She's most famous as a painter but I am massively into her writing, too. She has some really cool ideas about how being a woman is magical, subversive and amazing. Left, she rocks an incredibly trendy crochet top, and right perfectly pairs a boxy cable knit jumper with small hoop earrings and a cat. 
Read: The Hearing Trumpet, Down Below.
Wear: Messy "up-dos", baggy collars, lots of white, bushy eyebrows.

What is really interesting about Sylvia Plath's vibes are the enormous contrast between how she looked and how she "really" was - if we are going by her writings. Plath always dressed like the cleanest-cuttest, least subversive, most "together" girl in the room. Pearl earrings, pearl buttons, alice bands and collars all lend themselves to a timeless, "girly" look.

Light, bright colours pair well with each other, and a toothy grin is accentuated by a smudgy red lip. I don't really need to tell you that Sylvia Plath is a seriously good writer. Her poetic imagery is some of my absolute favourite.
Read: The Bell Jar, Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams, Ariel. (Also, The Silent Woman by Janet Malcolm is a really interesting read.)
Wear: Neat curls, pastel colours, hairbands, subtle red lipstick.

Donna Tartt is everything I want to be once I finally escape the siren call of really long hair and stupid coloured lipstick. She seems to perfectly balance the look of a corporate business HBIC with a somewhat spookier, witchy, Wednesday-Addams-grown-up vibe. It's the contrast between the formal blazer / "sensible" haircut and the Victoriana flouncy shirt / mystical looking rings.

Here are some pix of Donna Tartt as a younger, but equally cool, woman. She knows how to to pair the world's subtlest feline eyeliner with a barely-there orangey lipstick. Her brows are small but perfectly formed, suggesting she has just said something extremely interesting and is waiting for you to argue with her. And can we talk about those leopard print gloves? I want them. Ok, I'm done. Tartt is such a good writer. She has really good ideas, and says them in a way which is really original and never annoying.
Read: The Secret History, The Goldfinch.
Wear: Understated eyeliner, black and white, neat hair, witchy jewellery, LEOPARD PRINT GLOVES.

g bless the giorgio armani luminous silk foundation

I have finished a bottle of the Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk foundation, and I have some thoughts.

2 pics, because I liked both

I'm just going to quickly address the issue that many of you will say it is too expensive. Well, I don't think it is, in the grand scheme (for example, a pair of shoes at the price would be considered pretty cheap, and they will not improve your quality of life as much). I think it was Cat Marnell who said "It was my dad tried to teach me the value of money, and I hate my dad" - though I actually really love my dad, ok?? Furthermore, if there is a more expensive thing you can think of, you can always justify buying something expensive - "ok, I'm behaving poorly, but at least I didn't buy that £70 By Terry foundation!!" - and I never will (but don't quote me on that). I have fond memories of the day I bought this; Lilly and I had a no good, very bad day in London where we just bought everything we wanted to cheer ourselves up about being nannies. Never a day has gone by where I have regretted buying this, and I think it is perfect. It basically makes you look like you're not wearing foundation, except for the fact your skin is perfect. It makes you look (skinwise) like a cross between a model backstage with buisness cards clipped to her hair and a baby. Don't tell me you've never been given skin envy by a baby.

Ugh, behave yourself fringe

Here I am, wearing GALS and no other skin makeup and I didn't edit the photos or anything like that (as if I know how). It has worked out for me during my worst chacne outbreaks and the dryest of Massachusetts winter skin: it goes over anything and makes it look about 2453% better. It looks damn good from the moment you put it on until the moment you take it off, and I haven't had any adverse skin effects from wearing it (it is a siliconey formula, but it doesn't smell of anything, praise jeezy). I was matched to shade 4.5, but that was nearly two years ago (wtf) and I have been a diligent sunscreener since then, so it errs on the side of too-dark-but-definitely-manageable. If you are a lazy-makeupper like me (except when it comes to shopping for it... sigh), this plus a buffing type brush is all you need for good skin by day or by night. I will probably wear this on my wedding day or if I had actually gone to graduation. 

Emerging from the entrance to hell / in a poorly lit bathroom

Another photo on another day of GALS and only GALS on my face. This well demonstrates that this foundation looks just as good after a day of #business. I have some benzoyl-peroxide related cheek and chin peeliness and it looks FINE. I honestly think if you use this and have luminous and silky looking skin, you can get everything else for cheap and maintain the illusion of being expensive. It gives really great "cool girl skin", that paradoxical look of perfected-ness without any hint of effort-to-perfect; looking like you haven't tried at all but just happen to be both luminous and silky. Now I have finished it, I am yet to repurchase because I am a floozy. In fact, I have broken the ultimate girl code and cheated on GALS with his own brother, Giorgio Armani Lasting Silk, who is waiting for me when I go back to England (something to ease the pain of leaving USA). Another exciting foundation-related thing (if you get excited about foundations in the way I do) is that I managed to find the elusive and extinct Jemma Kidd Light As Air foundation on American eBay!! I was so excited that I actually texted Lilly to tell her, and she didn't care at all. But if those two fail to live up to the hype, I am happy to know I can always go back to Old Faithful, my BFprobablyF, the Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk.

corpse-y lips

I have a theory, and that theory is that I love buying lipsticks so much that there will always be a part of my brain dedicated to imagining new types of lipstick I don't yet have. For some reason, at the moment I'm really loving the dead-lips vibe, a very romantic look perfect for valentines day!!! (hoho)

These are lip colours which actively work to make you look cold, uncomfortable and sickly - cute! There are three ways to do a corpse-y lip, and I like all of them.

The prettiest version of a dead lip is a pale, extremely cool-toned nude. This one is by the brand Gosh and is called "Darling". This is a UK brand, which came to America and now I think has failed and is going away. The good news on that front is that this lipstick was reduced to $3. I really, really like it - it smells sweet and is really smooth and shiny, but still long-ish lasting. It's an almost grey-toned pink, which completely masks any natural lip pigment leaving you looking like an adorable frostbite victim.

Speaking of grey toned, this is basically a grey lipstick - the OCC Lip Tar in "Sebastian" (which they describe as a plum toned taupe). I just think this is the coolest thing ever. I understand that a lot of people will think this is stupid or gross, but I think some other people love it like me, because it's consistently sold out on Sephora. I love it on its own, but I guess it would also work well as a mixing medium, to add some corpsey vibes to any lipstick. 

 A more traditional take on the corpse lip comes in the form of this Sephora Cream Lip Stain in "Polished Purple". This is the dark purple lipstick - incredibly incredibly long lasting and bizarrely pleasurable to apply. It has a tiny metallic sheen but on the lips it doesn't show up, it just adds dimension to make your lips look fat (and also, phat). It gives a slight hint of just-been-punched-in-the-mouth vibes and also makes you look like you might practice witchcraft in your spare time.

 When wearing a corpsey lip, I like to try to make the rest of my face look very alive, bright, fresh, young etc. Bushy brows (holla) help with this. I also like the curl my eyelashes and wear lots of mascara for eyes like a dairy cow. Wearing something brightening in your waterline is a good idea, because corpse lips plus red eyes does suggest a serious illness, whereas I want to look like I'm pretending to have a serious illness, which is an important distinction. I like the Korres pencil in "Green White", among others, because green is the opposite of red (this is the optical-illusion side of makeup that I just think is so cool). It doesn't look actually green on the waterline, just pale and bright. Spraying something illuminating over your face further contrasts the dead/alive or sickly/healthy vibes. I like the Boots Botanics Rosewater because it gives instant shiny glow, is actually good for your skin, is all natural, smells like roses and isn't expensive. Now looking "dead"-cute is easy (I am hilarious and I won't hear otherwise).

i've been whitening my english teeth with american hydrogen peroxide

I'm not 100% on where the stereotype comes from, but I just American-Googled "english bad teeth" and got about 30,900,000 results  in 0.40 seconds. I've actually got very good teeth, and have never had a filling or any of that painful nonsense. But superficially (aka in the only way that matters) my teeth weren't exactly up to the exacting standards of America.

I have always been of the mindset that at-home whitening doesn't work, and therefore have never tried it. However, after seeing an article on Into the Gloss, I decided it was worth my time and money - $5 all inclusive. I know what you're thinking, so stop. This is allowed by dentists and isn't properly dangerous - you just need to buy the 3% hydrogen peroxide, which will say something like "suitable for gargling" on it. And for God's sake, don't swallow.
What I do is every evening before brushing, take a small mouthful and swill it about. It has a very specific taste, like chewing on the cuffs of your old school jumper. It will also begin to foam up, which is it dissolving all your problems (aka stains). Then I spit it (don't swallow) and do a regular brush. Because I don't do things by halves, I also bought a fluoride+peroxide toothpaste, which seems to work very well, and tastes like regular mint. 

 And look at these goddamn results! Look at the glare of the sun reflecting off the snow outside, which in turn is reflecting off my tegs. I didn't take before adn after photos because I honestly didn't predict a big difference, but trust me, this is the whitest my teeth have been in a long time. I'm still drinking all my favourite brown drinks (tea, coffee and diet coke) on the reg, too. It really, really, really makes a difference, doesn't cost a bunch of money, and aside from the strange taste, seems to be without side affect. If you want to follow the "American" tooth trend, give this a go.

that "thin person" head shape

I am not interested in bronzer. I do not desire the golden goddess look, and the phrase "liven up the face" has never appealed to me - in fact, I prefer a washed out slightly sickly look. Nonetheless, it can't be denied that bronzer is good for a flattering reshaping of the face, receding hamster cheeks and refining ten chins. When I want to fake the face shape genetics didn't bless me with, instead of using something in the "orange-brown" spectrum, I always go for something ashy and grey. In my brain, taupey-grey is the colour of shadows. Therefore, you can paint shadows onto your face to trick everyone into thinking that's just a face.

I know I'm not the first person to come up with this hypothesis, and one day I probably will buy that Kevyn Aucoin Sculpting Powder for £35 because I can be foolish with money (... and, indeed, everything). But I had a clever thought, which was to search amazon for "matte taupe eyeshadow". (All pressed powders are basically the same thing, right? Nothing weird about using eyeshadows on your face.) What I ended up purchasing was the £2.49 W7 Shadow Perfection in Burnt Sienna, and I am really into it. In the above photo I am wearing it smudged underneath my cheeks and jaw - check out the fake bones I have created! (PS, do not check out the pile of rubbish on my bed and the open door to the bathroom - one day I will get better at taking selfies, promise.)

Here is the aforementioned "contour powder" as we will now refer to it, and the brush I use to put it on - the e.l.f. complexion brush (but I'm pretty sure any tapered blush type brush would work fine). I've also been experimenting with a lighter contour, using the powder from the e.l.f. brow kit in ash and really piling it on using the Real Techniques contour brush.

Top: W7 Burnt Sienna, Bottom: e.l.f. Brow Kit in Ash

As you can see, both of these have no warmth to them, creating a fake sculpted face without adding any colour or "life". I basically can't be arsed to wear makeup apart from lipstick, but I do wear this dark-ish, grey-ish contour almost every day. It makes you feel like you know how to do makeup, brings out a hint of your inner drag queen, and most importantly, gives you that "thin person" head shape.

hairy eyebrows

I don't know if it's through over-saturation or what, but I am so over the perfect, Kardashian style, ombre, fifteen-products and one hour of perfecting, "strong brow". My brow goals are set on something higher now, and that thing is a wild, out of control, bordering on unibrow, werewolf look. Perhaps not the prettiest, but certainly easy to maintain, and, in my head they are now the "cool girl" way to wear brows.

It deeply offends me that that creepy makeover guy felt that Princess Mia couldn't be a princess and have werewolf eyebrows at the same time.

I have naturally somewhat ashy, somewhat hairy brows. I've never been much of a plucker because of my lazy sensibilities, and since brows took off in a big way I've been dyeing them on the reg. I use a product from Eyelure called "Dyebrow" (very well done) in the shade black, which isn't black but very dark brown. I get it on Amazon.

 I basically do it when I can be arsed, but they only look properly hairy for about three weeks. Then day to day, I wear brow (or sometimes not brow) mascara ... and that's it! I like the Rimmel Brow This Way (I'm not sure I properly understand this pun), or a brown mascara from a pound shop. I brush them upwards and try to get every hair to maximise werewolf potential.

Left, wearing Rimmel. Right, wearing the £1 brown mascara.

 It's weirdly hard to take a photo of your eyebrows without the rest of your face looking rather too deep in thought about what is essentially facial hair. Notice, new fringe, which acts like a signpost on my face saying "Have you noticed how hairy my eyebrows are?"

Recently I've been experimenting with some cheap American brow options. I bought the e.l.f. eyebrow kit in the lightest shade, which is much lighter than my eyebrows. But I like to apply the shadow with a smudgy brush in an imprecise manner, which acts as a sort of "dry shampoo" in terms of volumising the hairs. I also bought the Tame and Treat thingy, which is pretty cool. One end is a super fibrous mascara which really bulks up the hairy-factor, and the other end has some sort of dubious "vitamin infused gel" to encourage growth. I've only used the gel a couple of times, but I genuinely think the hairs are getting longer and thicker (and even, dare I say it, curlier. Which I know wouldn't be a plus for everyone, but I'm into it). Very impressive. I've heard castor oil also works well for this, but castor oil stinks like the bottom of a shoe. 
I think hairy eyebrows are cute and cool, and a perfect antidote to the crisp, drawn on brows which are bloody everywhere nowadays.